Heavy heart to sacrifice my dream...

I have been in confusion for a past week...Undecided either to choose to go after my dream or giving family first priority to drop off my oversea plan. It seems that my heart is not for USM all this while though I have registered a student there. Even for my master, I wasn't really motivated to work on it...WHY??? In a dilemma whether I made the right choice to stay and take care of my kids over my dream to study overseas...

I should have decided earlier on to stay but then these few days, this issue popped out in my mind again. Was I being to silly to let go of my dream??? But on the other hand, I am too reluctant to leave my kids behind too. I have an opportunity now to go overseas to study again for the Spring time and I am so tempted to opt for it. Full scholarship is there and no problem in getting an offer but only...what about my kids? Couldn't bring my baby girl along as she is too young and I won't be able to handle her on my own. My son is also still young and can't take care of his own.

I have been discussing with a few people...and thinking a lot....guess I need to sacrifice..though i hated the idea...and reluctant to let it go, but I have no choice since I have kids and they are still very young. These few days really demotivated to work on research...and didn't do anything at all. I was even demotivated when found out I need to start from scratch as the referred framework could not work with my proposed solution. And now...I don't even know how and where to start....sigh. To develop a framework model for a new hypervisor is too complex and it is difficult to achieve in a year time and do it single-handedly. Thinking if I could change the topic as I wanted to complete my master in a year time...I do not even want to stay longer in USM. Not my dream university nor my dream education....

Oh well, reality needs to hit hard on me again....take off the dream and focus on my kids and master in USM. Don't dream anymore Irene...wake up and smell the flowers!