Forgive and forget...

There is no hatred deep inside me towards my hubby. It's just frustration and sometimes disappointment when there are times he did not understand or support me at all. I learnt a few key things about marriage after a year plus being married. Being a wife is not easy...I have to bear my partner's real habits and characteristics even though these are usually revealed after marriage. I understand now that marriage is totally different from being in a relationship. Marriage is like a knot tied together and both parties live together as one whereby commitments and responsibilities are added. So it is important for those who want to consider marriage must know what kind of life they want...especially for ladies. I finally know the truth...the reason behind why a man and a lady want to get married.

For men, marriage means getting himself a lifetime companion whereby someone will be at home when he came back from home...so he won't be alone. In addition, he will expect the wife to serve him and do the household chores...and at the same time some men will expect his wife to work to help out with the household financial. I see the trend these days...maybe due to the high inflation and high living standard. However, ladies, do not forget that we are not owned or belonged to anyone....not even to our hubbies. We have our rights and passing down from generations after generations, the norm of marriage whereby the hubby has to provide living and financial support to his wife still stand strong. No matter the wife works anot, it is very important that the hubby still provide living allowance for the wife. It doesn't matter if it is a little or the wife still helps out with the household financial, but the living allowance is very important. Why is that so?? Think about it..... If your hubby is a businessman and ever busy, will he has time for his wife and bring her for shopping or holiday? I bet not, and if he has given his wife monthly allowance, then the wife could use the money to spend on her own...buy the things she likes, etc. Another example, let's say your hubby is just a normal "makan gaji" engineer and the wife works too to help out with the household financial, and the hubby never gives monthly allowance to his wife....and one day after many years, the wife loses her job and has to stay home to take care of kids. So what happen now? The hubby by the time already get used of you providing financial support to the family and now even need to give you monthly allowance....for sure your hubby won't be happy at all and he statrted to "show face" to the wife....and what if he doesn't want to provide you the allowance? Then the wife will be in bad condition....and probably she will need to use her own savings...and what if her savings all used up? She won't be having any money and what if one day the hubby leaves her for another woman, etc? Many things can happen unexpectedly especially in marriage... So ladies, it is very important to protect yourselves no matter how loving and caring your hubby is. Marriage life is very realistic....love is not the only thing that will solve problem as love can gradually fade....over years...

So to my girlfriends, think about it and we have to protect ourselves. The reason I'm sharing this is that I find it is very important to let all the ladies know out there. I am going through the same thing here....I have never asked monthly allowance from my hubby as I am working and helping out with the household financial...but next few months, I will stop working for a temporary period and I will have no income...My hubby wasn't happy and he did not even bother to give me monthly allowance...and he also expects me to help him pay the household bills...and financially support the family... I was very disappointed on him...and saddened over the matter...and that's where I learnt no matter how loving the couple is....marriage takes the couple to the realistic of life....."no money no talk" and "money" becomes the main key for a happy marriage life...that's the fact... So what will happen to me? I finally see the true colors of my hubby and marriage...and I will take the challenge by searching for scholarship or any method of earning money (legally of course) and I now know that I can't depend on my hubby at all...

That's my luck of not marrying a rich man...probably marrying a rich man won't need me to think and trouble by money matters...but i know maybe I need to sacrifice love and happiness...Anyhow, for me if i get to choose again, i will sure get a rich man or a man who has a car, house and savings, and capable of supporting the family himself without wife working....

Feeling of Regret...

These few weeks I have this feeling of regret and anger deep within me...You must be wondering what is there for me to regret....

Oh well, the first factor is that I had to reject the Cornell University which offers me Master program in Computer Science. Hey people, it's Cornell and I was accepted by them...after all the grueling GRE test...I was in throes of ecstacy when I received the offer from Cornell...the IVY League and one of the top 10 universities in US.

However, my overjoyment was later crushed when I found out I couldn't accept their offer and go for my master study...The reason behind??? Well, the biggest problem is that my hubby wouldn't allow me to go...and he did not want me to leave the kids behind... That's the saddest and yet regretful part to me that I got married before I go for my master....all the promise he gave that I can go for my master was all sweet lies... I was so saddened with the decision I was forced to make and until now I still have the deep feeling of frustration and disappointment etches in my heart when I think back about the missed opportunity.

I always think, if I get a chance to go to Cornell, I might have a chance to change my current life and it will be life changing experience for me...I might even be able to lead a better life after furthering my master at Cornell. The thing that I need most is to have a life change...of course for a better life. Marriage life is okay for me but I want more...you might think I am greedy but in my own opinion, my hubby is unable to give me the life I want for myself and for my kids... This sometimes make me green with envy towards those married ladies who lead a better happier life than me....and their hubbies are able to provide everything for them without them worrying about the core neccesities in supporting their families...

Nevertheless, completing my master has always been my dream since day one my hubby knew me. He should be the one who understands me the most and support me fully on it....but when come to the truth...it's a "NO" case. He just kept quiet when I told him I will do my master locally though I couldn't go off for my master. He didn't even show some support but on the contrary throw cold water to me...by him asking " How am I going be support the family on my own? Dear, you still need to help me pay the car installment, and you still need to contribute to the family's monthly expenses..." With these statements, it crushed my feelings even more...with the thought of more burden on me now...in resorting getting the money by hook or by crook. We had quarrel about this...and I always know financial is always the key to the marriage quarrels and I am always in the situation...I started to regret not to heed my mum's advice before marriage that she warned me if your future hubby is not financially stable with savings and able to support the family on his own...I will end up suffering in the marriage with all the financial stress on me.

Now I feel it even though I just got married barely 2 years. I learnt a big lesson from here and I strongly advise all my friends to consider $$$$ before love and there is no such thing as love after marriage...the true life after marriage is really bitter if financial of the hubby is not strong.

Think about it this way, if you can support yourself as a lady and live a good life on your own with the earning you have every month, then you do not need to get married to have another burden on yourself if your hubby is unable to even support a family. Like my case now, I even need to help to support my hubby financially to support the family. I know many people now in the modern generation share financial earnings between husband and wife, but if you think about it, if I lead such a stressful life by getting money to support the family as a wife, why not I just choose not get married at all...and enjoy the life of singlehood and just have boyfriend without any commitment? It's just my 2 cents as I think it's essential that the guy is still the bread winner of the family and support the family and wife properly. If wife has to be burdened, then the husband has not been keeping his oath and commitment of providing the wife a good life. Many people especially the husbands forget about their oaths that they made during the registration of marriage..."that I will support and provide a good life to my wife and love her eternity". If you do not believe me, ask your hubby again on the oath he has made...and see if he could answer you.... My hubby totally forget about it already.

Anyhow, I am still going for my master this year though not Cornell...and it's only USM. LIfe won't be easy for me, but I will still hunt for local scholarships to provide me the financial necessity for me to pay the car installment and contributing to the monthly expenses...I have to face the fact the life I'm living now...if I could turn back time...I won't be saying "I do" and I will continue on with my singlehood life which might turn out better than now.