Oh well, the first factor is that I had to reject the Cornell University which offers me Master program in Computer Science. Hey people, it's Cornell and I was accepted by them...after all the grueling GRE test...I was in throes of ecstacy when I received the offer from Cornell...the IVY League and one of the top 10 universities in US.
However, my overjoyment was later crushed when I found out I couldn't accept their offer and go for my master study...The reason behind??? Well, the biggest problem is that my hubby wouldn't allow me to go...and he did not want me to leave the kids behind... That's the saddest and yet regretful part to me that I got married before I go for my master....all the promise he gave that I can go for my master was all sweet lies... I was so saddened with the decision I was forced to make and until now I still have the deep feeling of frustration and disappointment etches in my heart when I think back about the missed opportunity.
I always think, if I get a chance to go to Cornell, I might have a chance to change my current life and it will be life changing experience for me...I might even be able to lead a better life after furthering my master at Cornell. The thing that I need most is to have a life change...of course for a better life. Marriage life is okay for me but I want more...you might think I am greedy but in my own opinion, my hubby is unable to give me the life I want for myself and for my kids... This sometimes make me green with envy towards those married ladies who lead a better happier life than me....and their hubbies are able to provide everything for them without them worrying about the core neccesities in supporting their families...
Nevertheless, completing my master has always been my dream since day one my hubby knew me. He should be the one who understands me the most and support me fully on it....but when come to the truth...it's a "NO" case. He just kept quiet when I told him I will do my master locally though I couldn't go off for my master. He didn't even show some support but on the contrary throw cold water to me...by him asking " How am I going be support the family on my own? Dear, you still need to help me pay the car installment, and you still need to contribute to the family's monthly expenses..." With these statements, it crushed my feelings even more...with the thought of more burden on me now...in resorting getting the money by hook or by crook. We had quarrel about this...and I always know financial is always the key to the marriage quarrels and I am always in the situation...I started to regret not to heed my mum's advice before marriage that she warned me if your future hubby is not financially stable with savings and able to support the family on his own...I will end up suffering in the marriage with all the financial stress on me.
Now I feel it even though I just got married barely 2 years. I learnt a big lesson from here and I strongly advise all my friends to consider $$$$ before love and there is no such thing as love after marriage...the true life after marriage is really bitter if financial of the hubby is not strong.
Think about it this way, if you can support yourself as a lady and live a good life on your own with the earning you have every month, then you do not need to get married to have another burden on yourself if your hubby is unable to even support a family. Like my case now, I even need to help to support my hubby financially to support the family. I know many people now in the modern generation share financial earnings between husband and wife, but if you think about it, if I lead such a stressful life by getting money to support the family as a wife, why not I just choose not get married at all...and enjoy the life of singlehood and just have boyfriend without any commitment? It's just my 2 cents as I think it's essential that the guy is still the bread winner of the family and support the family and wife properly. If wife has to be burdened, then the husband has not been keeping his oath and commitment of providing the wife a good life. Many people especially the husbands forget about their oaths that they made during the registration of marriage..."that I will support and provide a good life to my wife and love her eternity". If you do not believe me, ask your hubby again on the oath he has made...and see if he could answer you.... My hubby totally forget about it already.
Anyhow, I am still going for my master this year though not Cornell...and it's only USM. LIfe won't be easy for me, but I will still hunt for local scholarships to provide me the financial necessity for me to pay the car installment and contributing to the monthly expenses...I have to face the fact the life I'm living now...if I could turn back time...I won't be saying "I do" and I will continue on with my singlehood life which might turn out better than now.
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